18 May 2013

where in the world

I've started many things, I just haven't been documenting them here. I've been working on my goals, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding. Depression has started to set in. I'm feeling quite tired and spent.

Right now, I'm working up in Omaha for a work and it's hard to eat healthy when your working 12 hour days. I had been doing well eating properly and working out, but since I've been in omaha, my lifestyle choices have become poorer and poorer.

I realized that I was aiming for perfection instead of aiming to be a Daughter of the King. I seem to take God off the throne a lot and try and do my best. The thing is, God never fails, I always fail, and somehow my biggest failure is failing to see that.

God has given me those goals, He has called me to so much more than I am at the moment. I have potential. Not just the potential I can produce, but the potential He has put in me! It's Him through me.

It's my cycle. I thought after YWAM, I would have conquered that cycle. But, I'm starting to realize it's not my power. It's God's. I have to daily lay down my life at His feet. I can't surrender and then try and be my own "god." That's not how surrender works!

God has called me to do certain things that I haven't fulfilled, and I'm realizing quite quickly that He hasn't silenced His voice, but I have! I believe in an active God. One Who speaks and is involved in our daily lives if we let Him be. There's nothing wrong with going your own way if your striving for mediocrity. But, He has called us to be so much more.

Ranting and ravings help me hash out what's been going on. I honestly don't like blogging just when something's going on. But I need to start living under His expectations and not mine. If i start living under His, I won't be disappointed or feel alone.

How do you realize you've taken the "reigns" from God?

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