I love to stay busy. Texting a friend the other day, I told her that my life, after my college graduation, has been boring, because I haven't been busy. I love being busy! Every minute of the day, I feel I need to be doing something constructive, or my idea of constructive. I have been trying to stay busy, I just finished my Americorps application. I have have a list of 25 books to read this summer and I've already finished 2 of these books. I am also studying for the GRE. I've even started working out again to fill my day.
But, there are things that I could be doing that I haven't. Looking for another job, as both of my current jobs are looking gloomier and gloomier. I also need to write thank-you notes for my graduation. I had been really good at receiving something, and right away writing my heartfelt thanks for whatever I had received. I could be cleaning my room which needs re-organizing and maybe even some pitching of things I horde.
Maybe my idea of busy is making sure I'm doing the things I want to do. That doesn't sound right. That sounds more like selfishness. I'm selfish. Admitting it is the first step. But, I need to not just admit, but commit to the fact that I have priorities that I have decided are unimportant because I just don't want to do them. I think if I were to get these things accomplished, I wouldn't have this dreading feeling in the pit of my stomach that I should be doing something.
That's it! That's the feeling. The feeling that I should be doing something because I'm supposed to be doing something. Since I have always put off something or another, I wonder what it feels like to truly have nothing to do? Have put this feeling upon myself? Have I made my life feel lacking just because I haven't put my sheep in the right pasture?
If I can commit to getting these priorities done, I definetely feel accomplished rather than always waiting for that next thing to take my mind of important matters.
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 (NASB)
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